Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Structural Hair

E. Boyer



For entertainment this past month or so, I watched the CNN coverage of the Republican primaries. Truth be told, I was searching for the Comedy channel, but came across the primary coverage and found it to be comparable. Oh, shush! And, don't jump to conclusions about my politics...Republican or Democratic, the primaries are always a cornucopia of entertainment. The next time you're watching, please take note of Mrs Gingrich's hair. Well, yes, it's ridiculous and petty, but election season is certainly no time to pretend we're above all that. Honestly, who among us couldn't use a little comic relief? Our country is in dire straits, but at least Calista Gingrich's hair is in order. For heaven's sake, who is the stylist who decided.."Yes, one more coat of varnish and then seal it! This "do" has to last through the Wisconsin primary!" The architecture of her hair is impressive...a cement foundation with steel reinforcements and a Clairol #22 facade. Amazing. Something else to note is the requisite string of pearls for the candidate's wives. Ahhh, pearls. Nothing says traditional, pure and honest like a standard string. A woman of virtue and faith wears pearls. A woman who serves as an example of decency wears pearls. A woman who will gouge the eyes out of anyone who stands in the way of her and her "First Lady" status wears pearls. Don't mess with these women. They're very likely the driving force that got their husbands to this place and even more likely the brains behind the operation. They mean business! Even Mrs. Santorum, who mostly stood quietly on the sidelines (praying that she wouldn’t be forced to denounce her college education or steady an aspirin between her knees) was likely the pillar of strength for her husband. I imagine that every time he stumbled, she pulled him up by the little sweater vest and encouraged him to forge ahead. Yes, indeedy... politics. Be it Washington with high stakes campaign rhetoric and structural hair or a small town like Piedmont with lawn signs and candidate cocktails, we're drawn to the stuff like moths to the flame. Human nature...we can't look away from the fiery crash. We no longer have gladiators but, we have politics.

Oh sure, the stakes may not be as high in Piedmont as they are in our nation's capitol, but they're our stakes and we take 'em seriously! And, just like Washington, we have our share of shenanigans. We've had candidates with questionable remains in the foyer. Those who sent out a shameless request for donations to pay for their failed campaign. Candidates who arranged a debate using their supporters as moderators. We've had candidates who are smart and dedicated, devoted and giving. And, those who are aloof and clueless, detached and incompetent. We've had candidates who were newcomers, chock full exciting new ideas and plans and brimming with enthusiasm, only to learn the hard way that it takes more than energy efficient light bulbs to get this town to cozy-up to new ideas..."Welcome to Piedmont..Bam!! We will now whittle you to bits." Yep, tough stuff those politics. I admire those brave enough to enlist. Just the same, couldn't we have a little fun with it on our local level? Couldn't we, at least, insist upon wigs at all city council meetings? C'mon..that'd be funny. A city council meeting with everyone wearing 16th century style wigs would automatically lighten the mood! It really would.  I sat through an under-grounding meeting where the mayor at the time droned on for what seemed like an eternity, saying mostly nothing. Ripping my ears clean off of my head would have been less painful than listening to it a minute longer. Had the mayor donned a long, curly wig, those in attendance might have at least enjoyed the benefit of a chuckle. Work with me, folks..this could really ratchet-up the entertainment factor! Hear me out...I know the lawn signs were all the rage this year but, for 2014 I have two words...campaign bus. Can you see it?? Luxury campaign-mobiles embellished with jumbo-size photos of the candidates, megaphones blaring, cocktails flowing,... A hub of popularity on wheels!  Start saving up now, future candidates...this is gonna be way more expensive than lawn signs...