E. Boyer
Blowers blow, mowers mow, hammers bang, babies
cry, music blares, doors slam, mufflers roar, dishes clink, balls bounce, birds
squawk, bells ring, drums beat, horns honk, and thusly on and on.
I read the thread, several weeks ago on Nextdoor about
a call to the authorities due to a dog barking while in the Dracena dog park. I
gathered from the thread that it’s been determined that five minutes of barking
is considered excessive. My goodness, five minutes? I should say from the
outset that I’m not bothered by barking dogs. Nor am I bothered by crying
babies, raucous party-goers or any of the other noisy things that exist. These aren’t things that I love hearing at 1:00
a.m., but day-to-day I see them as naturally occurring in a neighborhood.
To be a little miffed by barking is one thing, but to make the
decision to call law enforcement about it is, in my opinion, quite another.
Good heavens, how can we manage to get through the challenges of the day if we
can’t tolerate even five minutes of a barking dog? Why is the bark of a dog so
vexing? Why, of all things is it barking that drives one to the fence or
to the phone to wage war? I ask sincerely because we often endure the year-long
cacophony of neighborhood home remodeling projects complete with jackhammering
and a poorly-tuned radio blaring day-in-day-out. Combine that with the
onslaught of vehicles that roll in at 7:45 a.m. and take-up every available
parking spot around your house, giant dumpsters and a port-a-potty all to the
sound of a table saw for 8 hours every day for the duration of the project.
How about the neighbor whose conversations sound like the
bellowing of a drunken sailor? I have a neighbor who truly sounds like the
female version of Gilbert Gottfried and her loud voice never fails to
startle. It’s exactly what I imagine the public herald sounded like, making
announcements in the Roman Forum! Call the police? Of course not, but I do attest
that it’s far more alarming than a barking dog.
Five a.m. walking groups, anyone? Indeed, and right below my
bedroom window I’m treated to what sounds like 5 or 6 energetic walkers
huffing, puffing and loudly chattering as if the whole world should be awake at
this hour. Though initially surprised by the inconsiderate gabbing at such a
decibel and at such an hour, I confess I rather like it, now and use it as my
M,W,F alarm clock to get up and do a few sit-ups and jumping-jacks that I
otherwise wouldn’t do had my peaceful slumber not been interrupted. File a complaint? No, I chalk it up to the inconsiderate
obliviousness that currently plagues our society and use it to my advantage
with abs of steel from the aforementioned sit-ups.
I find that these real-life examples help me put dog barking into
perspective. Full disclosure, however, it was nip-n-tuck a time or two with the
bellowing-drunken-sailor-lady.
What happens once the barking culprit is identified? What does one
do with the dog once they’ve reached the five-minute limit? A muzzle?
Confinement? It doesn’t seem fitting, does it? Descendants of the ancient wolf,
their “wild ancestry ignited by the scent of a competing canine” only to be
squashed by a five-minute barking limit…oh, the injustice and humiliation put
upon such a storied creature!
I suppose one could site the right to a peaceful existence, but
where does that begin and end? Isn’t the constantly complaining neighbor also nuisance?
As much as we’re entitled to a peaceful existence, are we not equally entitled
to the simple pleasure of walking the dog, knowing that the dog may behave as a
dog and occasionally bark? If you told me that a dog was barking
incessantly, day and night I would agree that intervention (and perhaps the
installation of triple-pane windows) might be in order, but five minutes? Let’s
face it; we decide what things we’ll tolerate and draw a line in the sand for
those that we won’t. Example:
Neighbor #1) Five minutes of barking = Is that the angels singing?
Oh, it’s just my barking dog.
Neighbor #2) Five minutes of dog barking = The Hounds of
Baskerville! Fetch my pistol!
Sigh…why must we take ourselves so seriously? For heaven’s sake,
from time to time could we just take a deep breath and ask ourselves; how big
of an ass am I being right now? If you’re calling the police for five minutes
of dog barking, the answer is extra-large. Couldn’t we gather-up just a tiny bit of tolerance? Recruit a little patience? During this time when our country, nay
most of the world seems to be smothered with the weight of a droning,
hate-filled torrent, it seems that the sound of a barking dog would be
charming. No?
To the woman who told of her experience on Nextdoor: I’m sorry to
hear about your episode with a complaining park neighbor. Honestly, I wouldn’t
give it a second thought. As long as there are barking dogs there will be
people to complain about them. Such is the arrangement when neighbors and their
sensibilities intersect.
So, bark if you will, dogs and complain if you must, neighbors,
but surely I won't be bothered by either. The
world is filled with noisy things and we have but a limited time to enjoy
them…woof!
