No Mom, I Don't Want A glass of Chardonnay

Good Lord...

E. Boyer

Ahhhh, high school graduation.  Our talented young fledglings leaving the nest, flying high on to their bright and promising futures.  Filled with dreams and optimism about the adventures they’ll soon embark upon. So scholarly in their cap and gown often draped with a colorful flower lei for a touch of whimsy.  The weather cooperates fully in deference to the significance of the day and the stands are filled to capacity with adoring relatives.  Yes indeed, this is the stuff of which dreams are made.  Wait…whatha..why is that child vomiting?  Come to think of it, all of these promising young graduates look a little green around the gills.  Oh, for corn sakes!  Is it possible that the little Einsteins are hungover?!? Well, pick your chin up off the floor, what did you expect?  Most of them are coming from an all-nighter that one of the families hosted to honor the young darlings.  I know, I know, the legal drinking age is 21 in the state of California but apparently in Piedmont this law is open to interpretation.  So, fast forward and here we are with hungover high school graduates because somebody’s parent had the bright idea that the best way to be popular in their child’s eyes would be to host the teenage cocktail party.  And yes, Mrs. Takeyourbrainoutofyourass, wine and champagne are, in fact, still considered alcohol.  And no, serving it in pretty little glasses doesn’t change that.  Being drunk after17  crystal flutes of champagne served in someone’s beautifully landscaped yard is no different than being drunk from 7 shots of Tequilla served up at the local bar.  Seriously guys, what’s the deal with this?  #1 It’s illegal.  #2 It’s dangerous.  #3 No, none of the kids think you’re cool, in fact they find you downright immature and creepy and if the alcohol doesn’t make them vomit, being served a drink by someone’s scantily clad mom definitely will.  Yep…”pathetic” is the word one student used to summarize their opinion of the parents at a few of such gatherings.  Well, for heaven’s sake, that’s sad.  To put all that time and energy into planning the perfect party, the countless hours deciding between Merlot or Cabernet, Margerita or Cosmopolitan, Corona or Trumer Pilsner and then to be thought of as merely pathetic.  Gee, that’s…well…pathetic!  Tip: Six words a high school student never wants to hear muttered from his parents lips while at a party..”Sweetheart, would you like a beer?”  Uh..no, mom.  Actually, what I was hoping for was a positive role model, love and guidance and for you to be my rock in this rough and unpredictable river of life.  And while you’re at it, could you please stop trying to be cool in front of my friends?  You already had your turn at being a kid and it’s our turn, now.  We’ll secretly get our own beer if we want it and there are way more important things you could be helping us with.  Seriously, that’s what they’re saying.

Congrats class of 2010!  Yes, most of you really are smarter than your parents!

Bake Sale!

I have an idea and I can’t believe I didn’t think of it sooner.  But, with

all this talk of dropping the fourth grade music program and cutting this and that and teacher pink slips, etc. it hurled me into a problem solver mood.  I won’t bother to elaborate on the importance of music as part of one’s early education because only a daft and cultureless merry Andrew would benefit from such redundancy and surely none of the Post readers fall into that category.  So, to the point:  A bake sale!  That’s right, The PUSD Administrative Bake Sale!  Rather than cut anymore programs or send out the usual distress call to Piedmont’s altruistic parent volunteers for fundraising to save the threatened programs, let’s help the six figure fellas of PUSD organize a bake sale to make up for their very own salary cuts.  Ya’ see, by shaving just a titch off those top five or six salaries we could put that money back into the classrooms.  Naturally, it wouldn’t be fair or decent to leave the Admin. team stranded in the five-figure range, so we’d have to help them. No worries there because if anyone knows how to raise funds it’s the parents of Piedmont.  But, if I may digress for just a moment, does no one find it odd that for the past three years people all over the world have taken salary cuts just to keep their jobs?  Is there anyone, even here in Piedmont, who hasn’t tightened their belt or made adjustments to their lifestyle in response to a collapsed economy?  Most of us have, haven’t we?  Why are the children of our community expected to rely on bake sales and other fundraisers to get an education when six figure salaries abound at the top?  And, why are teachers  plagued with uncertainty waiting for the next round of pink slips?  Has no one in the district heard of re-structuring?  Or, are they just confident, pure and simple, that parents will “write another check?”  Why in the world would we take things away from the kids before eliminating the excess at the top?!?  This isn’t Walll Street or Washington, for Pete’s sake!  This is a small town and as taxpayers we should be able to have a little more influence and exert a little more pressure to ensure that our K-12 crowd is being properly served.  O.K., back to my idea...so, let’s cut a third or so from those five or six administrative salaries and they can then do what parents  are so often expected to do…  make up the difference.  Yep…it’s time for a bake sale!  Be strong Administrators, because you’re gonna have to market the heck outta this thing and you’ll have to start planning now for next year.   Oh, I know, it’ll be lotsa hard work for very little return which is why you’ll have to do several of them throughout the year.  Let’s see, if we cut a third from each salary that’s about $35,000 each, give or take a few.  So, yep…you better get right to it because at 75 cents a piece, that’s over 46,000 brownies you’ll have to sell.  Each!  Good Lord, that’s a lot of brownies and my heart goes out to you, really it does.  But, times are tough and we have to make cuts somewhere and since historically the kids have had to bear the brunt, it’s the only fair and decent thing to do.   Because to sit back with those salaries, in this economy, and make a conscious decision to toss the kids out of the life raft so a few administrators can stay warm and dry would be abhorrent.  Don’t worry, Administrative Team, the parents of Piedmont will be there every step of the way to offer you moral support and guidance.  You can do it!  Now, dust off your recipes and put on those aprons…you folks have some baking to do!!