E. Boyer
For
entertainment this past month or so, I watched the CNN coverage of the
Republican primaries. Truth be told, I was searching for the Comedy channel, but
came across the primary coverage and found it to be comparable. Oh, shush! And,
don't jump to conclusions about my politics...Republican or Democratic, the
primaries are always a cornucopia of entertainment. The next time you're
watching, please take note of Mrs Gingrich's hair. Well, yes, it's ridiculous
and petty, but election season is certainly no time to pretend we're above all
that. Honestly, who among us couldn't use a little comic relief? Our country is
in dire straits, but at least Calista Gingrich's hair is in order. For heaven's
sake, who is the stylist who decided.."Yes, one more coat of varnish
and then seal it! This "do" has to last through the Wisconsin
primary!" The
architecture of her hair is impressive...a cement foundation with steel
reinforcements and a Clairol #22 facade. Amazing. Something else to note is the
requisite string of pearls for the candidate's wives. Ahhh, pearls. Nothing
says traditional, pure and honest like a standard string. A woman of virtue and
faith wears pearls. A woman who serves as an example of decency wears pearls. A
woman who will gouge the eyes out of anyone who stands in the way of her and
her "First Lady" status wears pearls. Don't mess with these women.
They're very likely the driving force that got their husbands to this place and
even more likely the brains behind the operation. They mean business! Even Mrs.
Santorum, who mostly stood quietly on the sidelines (praying that she wouldn’t
be forced to denounce her college education or steady an aspirin between her
knees) was likely the pillar of strength for her husband. I imagine that every
time he stumbled, she pulled him up by the little sweater vest and encouraged
him to forge ahead. Yes, indeedy... politics. Be it Washington with high stakes
campaign rhetoric and structural hair or a small town like Piedmont with lawn
signs and candidate cocktails, we're drawn to the stuff like moths to the
flame. Human nature...we can't look away from the fiery crash. We no longer
have gladiators but, we have politics.
Oh
sure, the stakes may not be as high in Piedmont as they are in our nation's capitol, but they're our stakes and we take 'em seriously! And, just like Washington,
we have our share of shenanigans. We've had candidates with questionable
remains in the foyer. Those who sent out a shameless request for donations to pay for
their failed campaign. Candidates who arranged a debate using their supporters
as moderators. We've had candidates who are smart and dedicated, devoted and
giving. And, those who are aloof and clueless, detached and incompetent. We've
had candidates who were newcomers, chock full exciting new ideas and plans and
brimming with enthusiasm, only to learn the hard way that it takes more than
energy efficient light bulbs to get this town to cozy-up to new ideas..."Welcome
to Piedmont..Bam!! We will now whittle you to bits." Yep, tough stuff those politics. I
admire those brave enough to enlist. Just the same, couldn't we have a little
fun with it on our local level? Couldn't we, at least, insist upon wigs at all
city council meetings? C'mon..that'd be funny. A city council meeting with
everyone wearing 16th century style wigs would automatically lighten the mood!
It really would. I sat through an
under-grounding meeting where the mayor at the time droned on for what seemed
like an eternity, saying mostly nothing. Ripping my ears clean off of my head
would have been less painful than listening to it a minute longer. Had the
mayor donned a long, curly wig, those in attendance might have at least enjoyed
the benefit of a chuckle. Work with me, folks..this could really ratchet-up the
entertainment factor! Hear me out...I know the lawn signs were all the rage
this year but, for 2014 I have two words...campaign bus. Can you see it?? Luxury
campaign-mobiles embellished with jumbo-size photos of the candidates,
megaphones blaring, cocktails flowing,... A hub of popularity on wheels! Start
saving up now, future candidates...this is gonna be way more expensive than lawn
signs...
