Quasimodo Hump

 E. Boyer

I suppose I’ve evolved.  After the typical resistance and the standard learning curve, I’ve adapted and caught-on to most of the current technology.  A liberal old bird, I like to think that I’m a forward thinker and doing my darndest to stay current.  I cut out the carbs, subscribe to Netflix, have a smart phone, pay my bills online, I’m not shocked or surprised by sexuality, I’m fascinated by other cultures, I watched Breaking Bad (although, I was never fully convinced that Walter’s career move was very well thought out,) I’ve resisted the Rockports and elastic-waist pants (unless absolutely necessary,) I get my boarding pass via text and I’ve added things like agave syrup and coconut oil to my pantry. Truly, I’m at least in the game, as they say, at staying relevant. However, there is something that has me feeling a little old and cranky…

I know we can’t put the genie back in the bottle and I do, in fact, find texting enormously handy.  But, for heaven’s sake, it’s becoming a bit of a plague..an opiate, of sorts.  We seem so bound by the technology that many of us exist in a state of profound mental dullness, paralyzed and unable to complete sentences or tasks without a constant checking and re-checking of our "screen."  Teenagers, as a result of their nearly constant static, hunched-over position have developed a Quasimodo hump!  Men and women with an assumed knowledge of certain etiquette have all but abandoned these rules in favor of scrolling through an endless stream of Facebook updates and old text conversations while in the midst of a conversation!  Why accept a dinner invitation, if you spend the evening looking down at your phone?  Wouldn’t it be better to stay at home? There’s no benefit in having you in attendance if you have nothing to contribute.  Research suggests that cell phones may inhibit our ability to connect with the people right next to us and there are now commercials urging parents to put down their cell phones and practice talking to their children.  Practice!  Which is to say we’ve all but forgotten how it’s done!  Well, my heaven’s… a very sad state, indeed.

I suppose this is a stale opinion to many and as a society, I believe we’ve come to accept the deficit of social skills associated with cell phone usage. But, for the record, I simply can’t abide.  There are far too many interesting people/places/things that deserve my full attention.  I find it altogether worrisome when I think of the potential blight associated with this constant disconnectedness.  I’m not sure that the bad in this particular Pandora’s Box is worth the bit of good.  

I was in a local coffee shop recently and noticed a little girl of about 3 years old and her father having breakfast together.   The little girl chatted away while her father scrolled through his cell phone.  She asked endless questions to which her father never responded.  She would wait for a second or two in hopes of a response and then sadly look away and continue chatting to herself and poking around at her muffin.  I still feel like crying. If only he knew that in an instant, she won’t look the same, she won’t sound the same, she won’t be the same.  He’ll blink and just like that..she’ll be grown-up.  If he knew, he might have put down his phone.  Hindsight.  Honestly, the child would have been better off having breakfast with one of the overly caffeinated “regulars.”  Lively conversation with a stranger would have been more beneficial to the young girl than enduing the pointless, empty vessel that her parent was proving to be that morning.

Please, folks, take your thumbs out of the scroll-ready position, stand up and look out toward the vast horizon that awaits.  No, it’s not something new..you just forgot about it while you were looking at dog memes.  Say “hello” to your family members and ask them about their day.  When they respond, maintain eye contact no matter how strong the urge to check the latest Pinterest boards for organization and storage ideas.  Keep both hands on the wheel until you reach your destination and remember that nothing in your in-box is ever groundbreaking…is it?  Be honest.

They say that progress can often introduce problems.  Judging by the dullness and Quasimodo humps, I’d have to agree!  Chicken pot-pie, anyone?