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| It's official..they're bored |
Rumor has it that a clipboard exists in Moraga Canyon. It's said to hang on a tree bearing the signatures of all those opposed to the new sports field. Although I've never actually seen the "Angry Clipboard," (a friend of mine gave it the name) it came to mind a few weeks ago when I found myself cornered by one of the "Clipboardists" at a social gathering. It's not enough that they do all the angry clipboardy type things. No, they have to take it to the next level. Out of the obstructionist/lawsuit arena and into, gulp..social settings. Mother of God...can't we attend simple gatherings without being proselytized? Must we really hear their position over and over again? Funny about these types..they seldom take even the slightest interest in your opinion. Nope, their pleasure comes primarily from hearing themselves talk. A selfish arrangement.
There I was, a few weeks ago. Backed into a corner with an angry Clipboardist. I looked desperately on at anyone who would make eye contact. Doing my very best to send my silent message "..Help me! Please! I'm being held against my will! Call 911!" Finally, a dear friend picked-up on my desperate plea and quickly responded with the emergency rescue drill we've rehearsed for just such occasions. It was go-time! My friend saw that I was in distress, acknowledged with eye contact, rushed to the restroom and removed the packet of grape KoolAide mix from her purse, sprinkled it on her tongue and lips, splashed her forehead with water and rushed back to the hostage situation site. "Good Lord, this stomach flu has taken a turn for the worse (...ugh, groan, grunt) could I trouble you for a ride home?" (...more gratuitous grunting and groaning) My captor took a moment from wrenching my ear and retracted the claws. They saw, based on the horrifying blue tongue and lips and profuse sweating, that my friend was in genuine distress and immediately jumped ship for fear of contracting the dreadful illness..yes, in addition to being an insufferable bore they are also selfish. Bingo! My friend and I made a speedy exit and laughed all the way home. Good grief! Has it really come to this? Folks, when guests at a party live in fear of being roped into the near-death experience of yet another of your boring rants, it's time to take stock of your behavior. For Pete's sake!! Please start paying attention to body language! If the person you're talking to is no longer making eye contact, glazing over and hasn't said a word in in 30 minutes, it's official..they're bored!! If, during your proclamation, they're lying face down on the floor, whimpering softly and unable to move, you've sucked the soul right out of them with your dreadful droning-on...Congratulations, you're more destructive than Satan, himself! Guests are actually lying on the floor dying a slow and painful death by boredom. Believe me when I tell you that no one, including your best and dearest friends want to hear more than 90 seconds of this stuff. Not at a party, anyway. We've only got an hour or two to make the rounds and there's a bacon wrapped cheese puff with our name on it on the horsd'oeuvre table!
Please, people. The next time you're in the company of others, ask them how they are. Ask how their children are. Ask them what's new. Try, for just one night, not to promote your agenda or make your point. Be a listener, for a change. You'll be pleasantly surprised by all the things you learn about your friends and neighbors. You'll also save some of us a fortune on dry cleaning bills...that grape KoolAide leaves one heck of a stain!
